söndag 25 februari 2007

Sunday thoughts...

To know your friends are sad is a horrible thing and sometimes it´s hard to find the right ‎words to comfort. After being thinking 2 days about it I know there´s nothing I can say to ‎heal, I can talk, listen and discuss but the rights words...even I am searching for them. ‎

I believe we will never find an answer to the question if we made the wrong or right ‎choices in life. I believe and I hope, doubting is a good sign that you want to take care of ‎yourself; better said, you only what the best for yourself, of course there´s doubting but ‎you also have to think that life is simple and that the person makes it hard, at the same ‎time that you don´t always have to do the right thing, it´s better to think like me; the ‎things I don´t die of are new experiences. ‎

I was sad a few days ago and my friend told me that his mission was to make me happy ‎and firstprice was to see me smile again, those words made me smile ‎

If you like a situation or a thing you do but you know you are hurting yourself, is it then ‎worth doing? I mean now it´s too late to go back, and I don´t want to have things undone ‎but still, I´m hurting myself…is it worth it? But you always have to dare…you don´t have ‎to get used to stuff (hate to be used to stuff) nor accept all that´s happening but you have ‎to dare, dare to loose dare to jump and fall. ‎
Accept…well, there are things in life you have to accept! Accept you made a choice even ‎if it was the wrong one; and if was wrong, so what? Flush and move on. We can live in ‎the future, I believe in that, but only as long as you plan and not only dream, we live ‎today! Just see what we are doing right now! Not everyone dare to take that step, that ‎special step out and dare to fall. You can´t live in nor on the things you have done…that’s ‎my biggest task right now….to not live in my memories. I have to move on, I have to ‎learn to accept and move on…live today, tomorrow but never ever yesterday. It won´t ‎give you anything; sure we can say now it´s 2 days longer since I last saw you,yeah sure, ‎but fuck hell, better to think now we are 2 days closer to the next time we´ll meet. You ‎are today, live today…‎

My heart is broken, my heart has been broken for a few years now and I wish I could heal ‎it. I wanna heal it, I wanna be able to give it away again, I wanna dare to loose. It´s not ‎always about loosing, hiding or accepting, I believe it´s about existing. ‎

We move on; what´s courage? I think courage is one thing for me and another for you my ‎friend. It all depends on who uses it, and how…maybe for you courage is to travel alone ‎to a country where you haven´t been before, or to speak infront of 200 persons….for me ‎that´s not courage. For me courage is to show your feelings, remember what I wrote ‎before about people not knowing me? Courage for me is to let people into my live. This ‎moment I´m writing this I´m on my way to say goodbye to one of these persons I let into ‎my life. I hurts me so much to know he´s leaving…I don´t wanna think about it but I ‎can´t stop, maybe it´s better as Roxette sings (these dudes are my Gods…) tear it down ‎and build it up. Sometimes it´s better to be sad, maybe it´s a sign of that those weeks ‎means a lot to me? I hope so…‎
It´s good to be sad and it´s good to be depressed (in one way). To cry and scream can ‎heal your heart...so scream and cry; the only thing you are NOT allowed to scream and ‎cry about is the things you with your own force can change.‎

Great, now I made myself crazy sad...wellwell, that´s life. I better get going, last hours with my sun; I can´t stand him leaving...

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