Today is a grey day

Milena, Milena; at least you will always be my princess...ompa, rompa, focki, focki; long live the spirit of Lund.

Quien soy yo sin estas palabras tan lindas, tan importantes, tan todo....nunca las he leido sin llorar...pero no les preocupen; son lagrimas de amor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u80ocuvZxmY


Ojala que las hojas no te toquen el cuerpo cuando caigan
para que no las puedas convertir en cristal
ojala que la lluvia deje de ser milagro que baja por tu cuerpo
ojala que la luna pueda salir sin ti
ojala que la tierra no te bese los pasos

ojala se te acabe la mirada constante
la palabra precisa la sonrisa perfecta
ojala pase algo que te borre de pronto
una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve
ojala por lo menos que me lleve la muerte
para no verte tanto para no verte siempre
en todos los segundos y en todas las visiones
ojala que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones

ojala que la aurora no de gritos que caigan en mi espalda
ojala qu tu nombre se le olvide a esta voz
ojala las paredes no retengan tu ruido de camino canzado
ojala que el deseo se vaya tras de ti
a tu viejo gobierno de difuntos y flores

ojala se te acabe la mirada constante
la palabra precisa la sonrisa perfecta
ojala pase algo que te borre de pronto
una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve
ojala por lo menos que me lleve la muerte
para no verte tanto para no verte siempre
en todos los segundos y en todas las visiones
ojala que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones

ojala pase algo que te borre de pronto
una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve
ojala por lo menos que me lleve la muerte
para no verte tanto para no verte siempre
en todos los segundos y en todas las visiones
ojala que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones

The sun is shining

Status: Monday night, hobbyalcoholic, reading Unamuno, thinking and feeling...

I truly believe that I´m carrying around small devils cos the people I like is always the people leaving.
I started to think that maybe it´s the leaving that makes people come closer? Maybe is it the knowledge about the there´s a trip coming up real soon and it makes you care and feel.
I remember when I had to leave a really important person for me in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. He was always and still saying to me that he has only made one misstake in his life and that´s to let go of me...yea sure, it meant a lot what happened but sometimes I´m trying to think, to not be too sentimental, that we got so close just because we both knew that we would never meet again, that those 74 days before my trip home was all we had in life. Now he is happily married and got a lovely daughter.

Life makes such turns and I think noone of us can ever keep up with that speed. I´m not sad cos my friends left back home, I´m happy for getting to know them...I´m happy if they are happy back home. Last night I was at the beach and even if the time and the watch were parts of everything said and everything done I felt like time stopped, so only for 2 second but for me it stopped. I was truly happy...I will never stop smiling.

Es lo que hay; now the sun is shining in Brasil...stay cool

Sunday thoughts...

To know your friends are sad is a horrible thing and sometimes it´s hard to find the right ‎words to comfort. After being thinking 2 days about it I know there´s nothing I can say to ‎heal, I can talk, listen and discuss but the rights words...even I am searching for them. ‎

I believe we will never find an answer to the question if we made the wrong or right ‎choices in life. I believe and I hope, doubting is a good sign that you want to take care of ‎yourself; better said, you only what the best for yourself, of course there´s doubting but ‎you also have to think that life is simple and that the person makes it hard, at the same ‎time that you don´t always have to do the right thing, it´s better to think like me; the ‎things I don´t die of are new experiences. ‎

I was sad a few days ago and my friend told me that his mission was to make me happy ‎and firstprice was to see me smile again, those words made me smile ‎

If you like a situation or a thing you do but you know you are hurting yourself, is it then ‎worth doing? I mean now it´s too late to go back, and I don´t want to have things undone ‎but still, I´m hurting myself…is it worth it? But you always have to dare…you don´t have ‎to get used to stuff (hate to be used to stuff) nor accept all that´s happening but you have ‎to dare, dare to loose dare to jump and fall. ‎
Accept…well, there are things in life you have to accept! Accept you made a choice even ‎if it was the wrong one; and if was wrong, so what? Flush and move on. We can live in ‎the future, I believe in that, but only as long as you plan and not only dream, we live ‎today! Just see what we are doing right now! Not everyone dare to take that step, that ‎special step out and dare to fall. You can´t live in nor on the things you have done…that’s ‎my biggest task right now….to not live in my memories. I have to move on, I have to ‎learn to accept and move on…live today, tomorrow but never ever yesterday. It won´t ‎give you anything; sure we can say now it´s 2 days longer since I last saw you,yeah sure, ‎but fuck hell, better to think now we are 2 days closer to the next time we´ll meet. You ‎are today, live today…‎

My heart is broken, my heart has been broken for a few years now and I wish I could heal ‎it. I wanna heal it, I wanna be able to give it away again, I wanna dare to loose. It´s not ‎always about loosing, hiding or accepting, I believe it´s about existing. ‎

We move on; what´s courage? I think courage is one thing for me and another for you my ‎friend. It all depends on who uses it, and how…maybe for you courage is to travel alone ‎to a country where you haven´t been before, or to speak infront of 200 persons….for me ‎that´s not courage. For me courage is to show your feelings, remember what I wrote ‎before about people not knowing me? Courage for me is to let people into my live. This ‎moment I´m writing this I´m on my way to say goodbye to one of these persons I let into ‎my life. I hurts me so much to know he´s leaving…I don´t wanna think about it but I ‎can´t stop, maybe it´s better as Roxette sings (these dudes are my Gods…) tear it down ‎and build it up. Sometimes it´s better to be sad, maybe it´s a sign of that those weeks ‎means a lot to me? I hope so…‎
It´s good to be sad and it´s good to be depressed (in one way). To cry and scream can ‎heal your heart...so scream and cry; the only thing you are NOT allowed to scream and ‎cry about is the things you with your own force can change.‎

Great, now I made myself crazy sad...wellwell, that´s life. I better get going, last hours with my sun; I can´t stand him leaving...

Nightmares

I have had this nightmares a few nights in a row now, and they are so wierd, it´s like everyday happenings turning to nightmares. Friends leaving me, friends acting strange...and it´s all friends I spend time with, I mean it´s real persons. They say your dreams clear your head, ehhe, ok, what does all this mean then?
I also realized a strange feeling this morning while trying to get out of bed and it´s that I can count the persons I let in to my life, I mean the persons that really got to know me and they are not more than 20 in total. That would mean that in 24 years I let 20 people get to know me? Sound so little, sound so bad, sounds so egocentric. I wont say any name, don´t want anyone to be hurt, but I think the ones reaching my soul know how they are. 20...makes me sad thinking about it. Is it me that have such a closed personality? Or is it just that I haven´t met the right people for my world? Maybe it´s my subconsciente that doesn´t want me to stay at one place longer than a few months, maybe it´s the subconsciente world ruling my body and my mind?

Mal compañada

Estaba sentada en la pista cuando enseñaron la puerta a la primera pareja de la noche,
salieron y encontraron con las tradicioneras,
odio a la corriente que estuvo flameando en mi cuerpo brillada,
la primera pareja tenia que romperse en pura desilusión,

la gente tirada se cayó por los imbeciles,
odio a tu manera,

odio estar sola con unas gafas del sol tiradas,
contaba mis dedos,
estaba a fuera con unos amigos viejos, amores anteriores, caras nuevas; todos juntos cerca el fin,
odio a tu manera de actuar,
cochinos bailando,
odio estar sola,
contaba mis dedos en el hule llena de barras de labios,
un viaje simple me costó mucho,
la tierra todavia presigue el cielo,
un círculo morada odiaba a lo que no tenía valor,
este tren odiaba a su camino,
el camino que ha hecho tantas veces,
pasaba, pero eso ya sabemos...

Pronto dejamos la fiesta

This blogg is for the people of my kingdom and for people outside my kingdom that think my life is so funny to follow so they can´t live without it.

Johanna, that´s me...I won´t tell my age, nor my nationality cos I believe stuff like that doesn´t matter; I can tell that for the moment I live in Barcelona, and I´ll live here for sure until the end of July and I´ll see where life will take me....what happens, happens right you people of my kingdom?

I hope you will all enjoy this blog even if you won´t always understand my words, be tolerant it´s just the way I am.

"Mejor morir a pie que vivir arodillado"